Growing up, my parents never talked about money. As I write this today, I still honestly don’t know the level of income my parents ever earned. Since money wasn’t a frequent conversation in our house, neither was any other subject that came with a dollar sign!  

When it came time for college, there were no savings earmarked for my tuition. There was no conversation about the differences between the newly opened joint checking and savings account I shared with my mom. There were no cautionary tales about that “free” credit card that I signed up for when I wanted a free t-shirt and burrito.

Besides a low-limit maxed-out credit card, I managed to work 2 to 3 jobs concurrently to pay my way through school and graduate with no major debt. As life went on after college, I started to realize that my peers were not so lucky… Many racked up credit card and student loan debt without fully grasping how their actions could haunt them in the future. 

At first, I wondered why this scenario was such a regular occurrence. We can talk until the cows come home about the predatory practices of student loans and on-campus college credit card sales, but that’s not the entire story.

A survey by T. Rowe Price found that just 34% of black and brown families have discussions about money on a regular basis. The good news is that due to the pandemic, it’s up to about 44% of families. While that’s a step in the right direction, it’s still not enough. It’s no secret that the pandemic has widened the racial wealth gap: black and brown families were more likely to be negatively impacted by the pandemic. 

We Don’t Talk about Money (as Much as We Should)

I’ve been in the financial services industry since 2012. In my naivety, I figured that when I received my credentials, family and friends would come flocking to me for financial advice. After all, a big part of the reason why I started learning about personal finance was to help those I loved. I wanted to share my knowledge with my community, the people typically left behind by Wall Street.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. Perhaps I should have been clued in during the very first appointment I had with my older cousin. Five minutes into our conversation, her husband told me plainly “We don’t talk about financial matters with family.” At first, I was confused. As time went on and my experience broadened, I noticed my family and friends don’t really talk about money. 

4 Tips on Handling Money Conversations

As Maya Angelou famously said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Here is how you can do better:

1. Talk to Your Kids

Being open about money and sharing healthy money habits with them as early as possible will pay its dividends in the future. I always tell my wife that anything that our 3-year-old son would do or say was a direct reflection of us. The way we spoke to each other, how we treated strangers, and even how we walked. Even worse, whatever you’re not teaching them at home, they will learn elsewhere. If we want our children to succeed and understand how to build wealth, we must speak with them about financial matters early and often. 

And please. Stop blaming the lack of personal finance education in schools. Albeit, I agree there should be some curriculum covered in high school. But at the end of the day, it’s our responsibility as parents to educate them about the impact of taking care of their credit score, paying themselves first, and building a savings account. 

Good financial habits should begin at home. Learning at a young age will help young adults steer clear of common pitfalls.

2. Talk to Your Parents

70% of Black Americans do not have a will. Unfortunately, when we find out there isn’t a will, it’s usually too late. 

Speak with your parents about their plan. Discuss how they want their estate to be handled. Encourage them to speak to an attorney and get their will executed. Not only will this give them peace of mind, but it will save you from additional headaches, as well. None of us look forward to having to settle our parents’ estates, but at least if you have the conversation, you can make sure you are aware of all their assets and their intentions of what to do with them.

On the flip side, you should also be talking to your parents about their retirement. About 41% of Americans say that they won’t be ready for retirement. Push them to plan and ensure they are on track. It becomes easier to avoid the question for most to avoid the pain of finding out if you’re behind schedule. However, avoiding a problem never solves it.

3. Talk to Your Spouse

There are a few reasons why it’s vital for couples that manage their finances jointly should have frequent conversations around money. The lowest hanging fruit on that reason tree is to ensure your goals are aligned. The attitudes toward spending and saving can differ drastically between two partners, and that’s okay. If both of you are on the same page with your financial goals, then naturally both of your habits would align to reach the common goal.

It’s not unusual for one spouse to handle the family’s finances. I’m a firm believer in the division of labor in the household, and if one partner is savvier than the other, then I’m all for it. But just because one partner handles the money, it doesn’t mean the other shouldn’t be in tune with the big picture. 

Where and how do we access our savings and investment accounts? Who do we have our life insurance through? Do we even have life insurance? What happens if we get sued? What happens if one of us gets sick? Who gets the kids if we both die prematurely? These questions should be discussed and implemented through a proper financial plan and executed Will.

4. Talk to Your Friends and Colleagues

Talking about money with your friends doesn’t have to be taboo. You don’t even have to talk about how much you’re making (although studies show that transparency in compensation leads to more equal pay across the board). Discussing financial goals and aspirations with your peers will help you feel less alone. Folks don’t hesitate to discuss pop culture, sports, or even personal details of their love lives. Why do we always leave money at the bottom of the list? 

Are you talking about personal finances within your circles? What are your friends doing financially that you can incorporate into your own household? What are some mistakes you’ve made that you can help your friends avoid?

We shouldn’t only talk about our wins, we should also talk about our failures. That way you’re not only learning from your own mistakes. 

Lastly… Don’t WebMD Your Financial Plan

Your financial picture is as unique to you as your fingerprint. If your co-workers have convinced you (rightfully so) to contribute to your 401(k), that doesn’t mean you should be investing in the same way they are. 

Similarly, don’t WebMD your financial plan. Financial advice shouldn’t come from internet articles. Please, avoid the financial gurus and prophets of social media. Make sure the person you’re speaking with has the credentials to talk about real financial planning. 

Watch out for the glorified salesman, and always seek professional advice and guidance to ensure that you are making the best decisions for yourself and your family.